Monday, August 24, 2009

More than music

Music means a lot to me.  Someone long ago planted a seed in my brain - one that reprimands me when I relate to song lyrics too much, as if the song was written about me.  The person who wrote the song probably wrote it about their own experiences, but did they also plan it out thinking that perfect strangers in different circumstances would be searching for meaning in the same words?  Well, I don't know, I'm thinking of Coldplay right now...and I imagine they do attempt to make their songs' meanings ambiguous enough so that they can be enjoyed by a wide selection of people who are applying the lyrics to very different situations.  Coldplay nearly always makes me take a step back.  I actually wanted to write about how certain bands, like Coldplay, make me feel timeless, as if everytime I listen to "The Scientist," for example, I'm the exact same person.  Probably the first twenty times I heard "The Scientist" I didn't even know that it was called "The Scientist" but I like to think that every time that song comes up on iTunes, on some level my present self is converging with past versions...  and they're all pretty happy about it.  Some of those times I was alone, maybe depressed.  Other times I was on road trips - I might have been in Oregon, I might have been in Buffalo...or on a plane to Orlando.  I might have been listening to it as I drifted off to sleep.  Again this song in particular, it makes me feel like I'm progressing, like I'm moving on to something brighter. Maybe I'm not completely satisfied with the state of what I'm leaving, but still I'm optimistic that everything will work out for the best.  Everyone will be happy.  I tend to envision myself sitting in the window seat of an airplane, gazing at the blue lights of the tarmac during take-off, and I have this amazing sense of security.  It's pretty great.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Working at the Bookstore

My temp job at the bookstore as a cashier is hit and miss: either I'm really busy or I'm standing around for hours with nothing to do. The time goes by so much faster when all I'm doing is scanning books and swiping credit cards. They asked me to come in 30 minutes earlier for Wednesday and today at 8 am. I'm not sure what their logic was because even when we were scheduled for 8:30, it seemed as if we didn't really start until 9:30, and the students didn't begin to come in in droves until after 11. We all arched our proverbial eyebrows, but gladly accepted 30 minutes worth of additional pay. I once got reprimanded for flipping through an O magazine during one of those hours of nothingness - my supervisor firmly took it out of my hands the way you would from a small child who's misbehaving. *sigh* There are slightly less registers than cashiers, so occasionally I am told to dust different parts of the store. Today I was trusted with money (promotion?), but then was promptly exiled to the outdoor cash register by myself. They had a special tent set up on the front patio with dorm furnishings. I don't even think I had a dozen transactions in 6 hours. Part of that time was spent helping with the set up (I was really proud of my rug display), but the majority of the time was lost to idle people watching and day dreaming. There were three university Christian groups set up around the bookstore. One was giving out freeze-pops... had to get one. I skillfully played the Israel card. I might actually go to one of their talks to see what it's like.

Now I'm going to the glorious MizzouRec... and trying not to feel like the most puny person there. :)

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Single Single Life

Shame on me for not updating this blog more often.

I've been in my new apartment for two weeks now, and I'm loving it. I don't have many complaints. Learning to cook all of my meals on my own is challenging, but it's also an easy confidence boost when I do manage to figure things out. I have to say that it feels weird spending so much money on things that are just for me. Usually when I go out and buy a new spatula (luxury!) or a skillet, I know that other people will be using it, too, but I'll be the only one here for a good part of the time. I'm still a little short on furniture. My brother, Andy, gave me a nice TV that he had in his basement - definitely an upgrade from the tiny one I had had in my dorm room. And my parents pulled some other extra furniture out of the chaos of our basement, so I have a table to eat/work on. I also have a new mattress, which is so wonderful! My old mattress at home was seriously not doing good things for my back. I don't think that I want a couch, maybe just a big chair for TV watching. I'm afraid that too much furniture will make it feel too small. I like all of the floor space.

I'm still drinking the Mizzou kool-aid. I still think it's great. Amanda took me around to all of my class locations a couple days ago. Not bad at all. Two of my buildings are in close proximity to a Starbucks, which could definitely spell trouble for my checking account. I visited the rec center yesterday. It was beautiful. I might have cried a little. The treadmills...have touchscreen...TVs...and built-in iPod docks. Just beautiful. I don't have cable in my apartment, so I figure I might go to the rec to watch shows on certain days. Haha. It works... The complex was designed very well. When I walked in, it felt more like a hotel than a typical athletic facility. They also have designated quiet rooms with machines and weights, so you don't have to kill your ears. Even if I have to spend time finding a parking place, it's still a definite upgrade from any workout place I've been to before.

So far, I don't feel like transferring to Mizzou has greatly altered any of my relationships. I still plan on visiting my old university pretty frequently. My primary goal at Mizzou is to regain confidence in my academic ability, but I'm afraid it might be hard to focus in a new environment with so many new things to do and people to meet. I'm hoping that having a place to be alone will aid me in maintaining a sane perspective on my life. At Truman I felt like I was constantly being tugged in different directions, with the only hope of feeling normal being total escape. I definitely have no desire to ever feel those emotions again. Certain relationships, one in particular, I'm destined to maintain for a long time coming, and I'm quite happy about it. Now that I'm closer to being in my element again, it's easier to appreciate people for every thing they are, and also to see my own mistakes without completely condemning myself.